Bernie's World

There’s been a lot of talk about this fiscal cliff deal.

With it in the news so much, I thought I’d perform a service.

No, smart guy, I’m not going to skip my column this week. Instead, I’m going to attempt to explain the fiscal cliff. Here’s my detailed explanation, based on everything I know about this critical issue. That explanation goes like this: “I have no idea.”

Sorry, that’s the best I can do. I can’t figure out what that thing is. What did you expect from me? I still haven’t figured out the movie “The Matrix.”

So I don’t know much about the fiscal cliff, except, of course, for the complete and undeniable knowledge that our elected leaders in Washington will — in the spirit of bipartisanship — argue about it until their heads explode.

Don’t blame them, they’re politicians. It’s their job.

The best quote I’ve heard about the fiscal cliff came from my wife’s cousin. He said, “I used to be in great shape in high school, but since then I’ve fallen off the physical cliff.”

With that in mind, this is the time of year when we all resolve to work out, so I thought I’d give some workout hints. I figure I’d better do it now because it’s already the middle of January and — let’s face it — this whole workout thing never lasts into February. So here we go:

What I like to do before every workout is place some potato chips juuusssttt out of my reach, for good stretching incentive. Stretch far enough, get a chip!

That’s why I like to work out with something that doesn’t weigh much — say, for example, a full can of Pringles.

For example, I spend about 20 to 30 minutes on the treadmill every day. I find it is a simple trick to making those 20 to 30 minutes much easier. The key is, before getting on the treadmill, unplug it.

As a bonus, my treadmill has a cup holder, which conveniently accommodates most cups, or a can of Pringles.

But, dang, that’s tiring, so I move along at the pace of a snail that’s really, really tired. For example, after a few crunches (of potato chips), I move on to my next exercise, often within a week or two, unless there’s something really good on TV.

Oh, now I remember: cool ranch. Cool ranch potato chips.

Follow these steps and not only will you feel good in the knowledge that you’re working out, but you also are spending a great deal of money on potato chips, which will help the nation endure the fiscal cliff.

Whatever that is.