It's time for another episode of "Bernie Tries To Shop." Today's episode takes place somewhere at a Shoals business ...

Employee: May I help you?

Bernie: Yes, I'm here to buy stuff.

Employee: What kind of stuff?

Bernie: Christmas-present stuff. What section is that in?

Employee: You'll have to be more specific.

Bernie: OK, what aisle is that in?

Employee: No, I mean what are you looking to buy?

Bernie: I'm supposed to know that?

Employee: Well, this is a strange place to buy a Christmas gift.

Bernie: But it's where I shop all the time.

Employee: You're in a convenience store.

Bernie: Is that bad?

Employee: I suggest you find some type of gift shop.

Bernie: Good idea. Whoa, are those Funyuns? I'll take them. I can't shop on an empty stomach.

Later, in a gift shop.

Employee: May I help you?

Bernie: Want some Funyuns?

Employee: No thank you. Now, what type of gift are you looking for?

Bernie: Yes.

Employee: Yes, what?

Bernie: Yes, I'm looking for a type of gift. If you could just wrap that up for me, I'll pay and be on my way.

Employee: But you haven't told me what type of gift you want.

Bernie: Hey, don't be smart with me.

Employee: Look, just envision something that would be nice to buy for someone.

Bernie: OK, I'm thinking ... thinking ... I've got it!

Employee: Besides Funyuns.

Bernie: Dang.

Employee: How about something that says, "This is from the heart."

Bernie: Like a left ventricle? That's just weird.

Employee: You know, something that means you care.

Bernie: Funyuns.

Employee: How about a nice gift card?

Bernie: You mean a gift that forces someone to shop? That's cruel!

Employee: A lot of people like to shop.

Bernie: I don't know how you got hired, with these crazy notions of yours but I'm out of here. I know of a convenience store with a large supply of great gifts.