If you were lucky, you’d have enough time to smash one or two with your shoe or the newspaper before they darted under the baseboard. Funny thing, I never figured out how they squeezed in there or where they went.

If it happened again the next night when the lights were turned on, the “bug man” would get an urgent call the next morning from a woman who is a neat freak when it comes to cooking and preserving food. It was something my mother was not going to tolerate.

The bug man brought his spray to the house, set a trap or two inside the wall and all of a sudden the cockroaches were gone — at least for several months.

During that whole time, it never occurred to me to scoop up the live ones and eat them for a before-bed snack. Perhaps my creative gourmet skills were lacking in those days.

As it turns out, maybe I was one of the smart ones for passing on a roach appetizer.

As of Friday, a Florida medical examiner was still trying to determine how Edward Archbold, 32, died last weekend. It’s apparently a big mystery.

Archbold, for those who don’t know, won a python for winning a contest at a Miami nightclub. He collapsed outside the club shortly after winning and died minutes later at a nearby hospital.

Oh, I failed to mention the competition. Archbold and fellow contestants were involved in a battle to see who could eat the most live insects. After finishing off worms, crickets and such, the final round of competition involved cockroaches, the juicy and plump 3- to 4-inch variety.

Archbold was a runaway winner apparently. His technique was to cram the critters in his mouth, give them a quick chew and wash them down with water.

Maybe the cause of death should not be so puzzling.

This one clearly fits into the category of “you’ve got to be kidding.” Why would someone do something that — in my old-fashioned point of view — is so, well, stupid.

Don’t start by telling me eating live bugs happens routinely in Third World counties. We’re not in a Third World country and my guess is those people would order something else from the menu if given a chance.

Some people in the psychology profession say people do such things for the “shock factor” or to liven things up in their lives. Some experts say such competitions have sprung up from reality TV shows such as “Fear Factor” and “Jackass.” OK, I won’t touch that one.

I’m never one to try to run someone else’s business, but allow me one simple request. If you’re going to eat live cockroaches at least think about the possible consequences.

Now, where is the peanut butter and jelly?