Florence, Ala. | Saturday, May 18, 2013
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Bernie’s World
Show must go on — even if host can’t

During a recent live broadcast of a home-shopping network these two hosts were promoting a product, and everything seemed normal.

But that’s when the strangest thing happened, something that never occurs on these shows. That’s right: the product worked as advertised.

Joking! I’m joking! Of course the product worked as advertised because that network would never air something promoting a product that doesn’t work. Please don’t sue me. I have a kid in college and one going into college in a year. Man, do I need to keep the money I’ve got.

Anyway, they were promoting a product and suddenly one of the hosts fainted, so the co-host immediately came to her rescue.

Yep, he resuscitated her, made sure she was OK and helped her to a seat where she could rest.

Ha-ha! No, he didn’t.

Instead, he just kept on promoting the product.

I won’t mention the network’s name, but it rhymes with UVC. And the faint occurred right on Q — I mean, cue.

A lot of people have made fun of the guy for continuing his pitch but I’ve got to admit, I was kind of impressed.

I mean, he had to take over and start ad-libbing all on his own. Those home-shopping network hosts amaze me. They can go on and on about a product on live television and never skip a beat.

I’m not exactly known as a good conversationalist, so I couldn’t imagine doing that. Instead, I imagine it going something like this if I were a host:

Bernie: “Today, we’re selling a tremendous product. It’s a phone.”

(silent pause)

Then the director says something into my ear set so only I can hear.

Director: “Pssst, Bernie, keep talking about the product.”

Bernie: “Oh. Uh, did I mention this unique feature: it’s blue.”

(pause)

Director: “Really, that’s it, Bernie? Wait, we have a caller. Talk to him.”

Bernie: “We have a caller. Go ahead.”

Caller: “I’m interested in purchasing one of those phones and have a question.”

Bernie: “How about that?”

(Pause)

Director: “DELINSKI! Ask him what the question is.”

Bernie: “Oh, good idea. Caller, what the question is?”

Director: “NO, you idiot! Don’t repeat it just like I said.”

Bernie: “Sorry about that, Mr. Director.”

(pause)

Director: “WELL?!?!”

Bernie: “Oh, what’s the phone question, caller?”

Caller: “Is it 4G?”

Bernie: “Let me check. Hey, director, what’s the office number of this studio? Is it 4G? Apparently, the guy wants to come see the phone himself. Uh, director? Director?

What do you know — he fainted.”

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Saturday, May 18, 2013 see all events
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Shoals Dulcimer and Folk Music Association Festival
Broadway Recreation Center
10:00 AM - 4:00 PM
Words from the River: A Shoals Author Fair
Florence-Lauderdale Public Library
10:00 AM - 4:00 PM
Northwest Alabama Backgammon Club
Flobama LLC
5:45 PM
Florence Rotary Club
Marriott Shoals Conference Center
12:00 PM
Boomers and Seniors dances
The Club
6:30 PM - 9:00 PM
Overeaters Anonymous
First Cumberland Presbyterian
1:30 PM - 2:30 PM
Quad City Squares Square Dance Club dances and lessons
Royal Avenue Recreational Center
7:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Boomers and Seniors dances
The Club
6:30 PM - 9:00 PM
Poll
Did John F. Kennedy represent the Tennessee Valley’s best interest when he was president?