“Well, in 2008, everybody was afraid Obama was going to be elected and the stock market crashed in October. Nobody in finance was really thinking he was going to be elected, but now that he is, I predict a crash in November. Happy holidays.”

“Complain, complain, complain. Does no one ever see anything good in life?”

“Everywhere you go — in school, eating places, TV, radio, greeting cards, movies — you hear bad language and taking God’s name in vain. It does not improve the language one bit, doesn’t make you sound cool and tough. As Ann Landers said, ‘it’s a lacking for words and shows your ignorance.’ ”

“President Obama, I’ll tell you how you can save money. Close the post office department, sell the routes to the common carriers and we’d all be well ahead — especially those of us in north Florence when we can’t get mail before dark:30.”